DBT for Loved Ones of Autistics, Systemic Interventions.
- therapistkristina
- Aug 17
- 3 min read
Updated: 2 days ago
DBT for loved ones of autistics, a systemic intervention for couples, families, friends and applicable to spaces such as work, school and university.
When someone is autistic in any relationship, it creates an autistic system. Autism is a part of the system’s characteristics - autism is not solely the responsibility of the autistic nor the identity of only the autistic. Autism becomes the responsibility of the system and a part of the system’s identity is autism.
Autism is defined in part by the loved ones who consciously and unconsciously participate in curating the autistic system’s rules and dynamics.
DBT for loved ones of autistics becomes a systemic intervention when utilized to positively influence an autistic system’s:
Engagement in patterns of behaviors that produce norms and rules with autistic ways of being, doing and knowing.
Setting of limits and creating possibility for autistic ways of knowing, being and doing.
Contributions to connection and disconnection through all forms of communication.
HOW CAN DBT HELP LOVED ONES?
DBT can help loved ones of autistics to keep a system open. An open system creates possibility and connection. An open system produces an environment for changing patterns of behaviors/dynamics that support everyone in the system.
In system’s theory, an open system:
Allows new information into the system, is porous.
Adapts well to new information entering the system, and adapts well to change.
Invites all members of the system to participate and to contribute to the system’s dynamics.
APPLIED: EXAMPLES OF DBT FOR LOVED ONES OF AUTISTICS TO KEEP THE SYSTEM OPEN:
Mindfulness Skill:
Non Judgmental Stance: Mindful observation without the judgement of “good”, “bad”, “right”, “wrong”. “should”, “shouldn’t”. When judgmental thoughts arise, a distance witnesses of them is the positionality taken, rather than attaching belief, sense of self and actions to them. Non Judgmental Stance gives the autistic system space to breathe, where neurotipical and allistic ways of being are not standards to create judgements of an autistic’s behaviors. Non Judgmental Stance in an autistic system creates an open system and maintains an open system.
Emotion Regulation Skills:
STOP (Stop, Take a Breath, Observe, Proceed). STOP is a practice that helps a system be open and stay open. STOP is a PRACTICE, and it’s nervous system regulation. When one person in an autistic system is keeps their nervous system regulated, the other nervous systems follow. STOP is essential for keeping an autistic system’s capacity great, functioning optimally and adapting to change. verses shutting down due to nervous system activation.
Distress Tolerance Skills:
Radical Acceptance-Radical Acceptance invites an autistic system into being an open system through acceptance, acknowledging what is, a softness verse a rigid adherence to what “should” be. Radical Acceptance keeps a system capable of including all things happening, making the autistic system open to each person’s participation and contributions to the system’s information and dynamics produced from that information.
Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills: these skills hold three core ideas that can be utilized even without mastery of the skills:
a) OBJECTIVE-what is my goal with this person, situation?
b) RELATIONSHIP-what does this relationship need, and need from me to maintain it?
c) SELF-how do I want to feel about myself after this interaction or situation, and what actions would be aligned with my values?
An autistic system can stay an open system when OBJECTIVE, RELATIONSHIP and SELF are practiced with mindfulness and with the other three skills mentioned above. An autistic system needs clarity, consistency, and attention to the relationships in the system. An autistic system also needs goals defined in terms of autism’s presence in the system, and self-awareness that motivates actions.
***basic definitions of skills from: Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT® skills training manual (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.
CONCLUSIONS: Autistic systems can become overrun by judgements, misunderstanding and lack of understanding, nervous system dys regulation, watered down goals and objectives that do not align with autism’s presence in the system, and a lack of wholistic acknowledgement of the characteristics of an autistic system. An open autistic system is one that is capable, healthy, adaptable and includes all member’s experiences, including the autistic’s ways of being, doing and knowing.
Thank you!
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Kristina Bravo, LMFT
737-825-5005
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